Passably Content

Quest

2011-07-06T22:31:00.002+01:00

I know I've been away, lord I know (in an amazingly atheistic use of 'lord' obviously). But I'd like to share with you a couple of things. One of which is this frankly disturbing study. The bit that scares me the most - 14% of americans think that evolution is definitely true. 14%.14%Fourteen mother fucking percent. I'd be ashamed to considered English if that was the case over here.I did

Boo!

2011-06-22T00:46:00.001+01:00

Things that no human should endure before they're 40. Part 1.White nasal hair.

Hi

2011-05-07T00:51:00.002+01:00

A small amount of time has passed since I last posted.I suppose I should feel bad, but to be honest I'm not sure how much I feel of anything anymore. Let's get the facts out of the way:a) Mrs RS is currently in remissionb) Mrs RS still has an unhealed leg wound from last year that will 'most likely never heal'. She undergoes extremely major surgery the week after next. This will either finally

So this horse walks into a bar...

2011-01-12T00:29:00.003Z

The title of this post is just about as close to a joke as you're going to get in here, so if you're expecting a good laugh then you'd probably be best to skip this entirely.You may wonder why I stopped writing this blog and where I went for much of the last six months (or you may not, but seeing as you're reading this I'm guessing you do) and the simple answer is that there is no simple answer.

Sad

2010-10-28T01:10:00.002+01:00

I'm home now after 3,800 miles of driving around the pacific northwest over two weeks. At times it was a fantastic holiday and some great photos will likely appear when I can get them.However something, as always. overshadows this. I can't talk about it explictly as it's not my choice to. Either way my life is continuing behind a facade that is slowly crumbling. I try, I really try to care about

Evening...

2010-10-20T04:31:00.002+01:00

I'm currently in the states visiting Mrs RS, so I'll update as and when I can get near a computer (we're road tripping from California to Seattle).

I'll stop being cynical when the world stops being shit.

2010-10-07T18:16:00.002+01:00

I have somewhat of a reputation at work for being cynical. So much in fact, that it was proposed that a 'Cynical Jar' was introduced so that anyone being cynical had to put a pound in it.I just said that someone would probably just run off and steal the money before it could be used for anything useful, so what was the point?The idea didn't get raised again. Which just goes to show that cynicism

Squirrel Wisdom

2010-09-23T19:24:00.001+01:00

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, apparently.Lies.

Goddamn it...

2010-09-17T18:38:00.002+01:00

I was pretty much going to post this last night but got 'sidetracked', and then I woke up to find that the Daily Mash had done it in a probably funnier way anyway.So, imagine I wrote this and then come back and tell me how great I am.Cheers.

If you ask me no questions...

2010-09-10T18:55:00.004+01:00

Having been a very bad blogger this year (although in my defence I have some justification for not being online as much), I'm starting to catch up a bit. Only 276 of your blog posts still to read. Piece of cake.Hmmm.....cake....Talking of which, a department of the NHS (or Commie Pinko Conspiracy To Leave You Destitute to you Americans) has recently been offering quite large sums of money to

Is the Pope catholic?

2010-09-07T22:02:00.003+01:00

Well, yes he is - and he's a freeloading old bastard as well - but as rhetorical questions go that's probably one of the better examples.The best example however, is definitely today's Daily Mail frontpage. Regular readers will know of the general disdain I hold for all staff, journalists or readers of that hideous rag, but today is a new highlight.So without further ado, here it is (with helpful

A question.

2010-08-19T18:43:00.002+01:00

In your lifetime you've probably - many times - heard (especially if you're English) someone say "There's always someone worse off!"Have you ever wondered if you're the person they're talking about?

Crystal Ball time part 2...

2010-08-14T10:28:00.002+01:00

It's time for my 2010/11 Season Predictions!1) Manure to win the league. I feel their young players are starting to bed in more into the side and they never give up.2) Chelsea, but not by much.3) Miles behind will be Arsenal - just not good enough in defence to go the whole season and how motivated is Fabregas?4) Tough one this but I've got a feeling that Spurs can get 4th again even with the

Crystal ball time...

2010-08-14T10:00:00.002+01:00

With expert timing I've waited until 3 hours before the season kicks off to appraise last year's football predictions and make some for this season.So without further ado, here's last year's predictions with results:1) The winners of the Premiership this season will be.....Chelsea. A brave shout, but I think that their squad is old and experienced and so is their coach. Ancelotti will bring the

Buses, that's what I'm like...

2010-08-12T17:30:00.023+01:00

...you successfully avoid me for a month and then two posts in two days.Sometimes I think I spoil you.Don't hit me.Anyway, I mentioned that a lot of my time had been spent making a prop for Mrs RS over the last month or so. This isn't something I normally do - I used to do some modelling in my early teens (that's making models rather than having my picture taken obviously) for those little

Hello, what's all this then?

2010-08-11T19:14:00.005+01:00

I've not been here for ages! I also appear to have 476 blog posts in my reader. Christ.It's been a bit mental recently - memorial day on the other side of the country for my friend Edd who died at the end of June, followed by stag-do, followed by a friend visiting from Australia, followed by family wedding, followed by ill cat (now minus several teeth) - and all that alongside work being a '

Hmph.

2010-07-10T21:01:00.002+01:00

Do you know what the highlight of my working day is?Probably not, but you want to know right?Probably not, but sod it - I'm telling you anyway.The highlight of my working day is arriving at work to find that the old lady that washes the spoons (or the 'Refreshment Officer' if I'm to be correct) has actually washed the spoons. The small effort required to wash a spoon before making my caffeine

The Cheerful News Bulletin

2010-06-21T17:53:00.003+01:00

You may remember I posted a couple of months ago about a good friend of mine who had been diagnosed with something terminal. Well as part of his campaign to raise awareness of the problems with the organ donor procedures in this country (that results in around 1,000 people a year dying while waiting for a transplant), he agreed to a centre page spread in the News Of The World yesterday (the

Hokey Cokey...

2010-06-09T19:33:00.003+01:00

Mrs RS has been in and out of hospital and/or doctors for most of the last fortnight so I've kind of been away from the internet for a while. I'll try and catch up and comment and stuff over the weekend.She was getting better, but today the 'nice' nurses that come in to administer her IV drugs managed to collapse a vein, so we have to go back to the hospital tomorrow to get another IV put in.

Red Squirrel's Film Reviews. Parts 4 and 5.

2010-05-30T23:34:00.002+01:00

This week's double special is:The GhostReview:Forgive me for a departure in my usual style, but we actually saw this film a few weeks ago at my suggestion. Based on the novel by Robert Harris (although I believe it goes by the name 'The Ghostwriter' in the US because apparently people there are considered too thick by the studios to not accidentally turn up to a horror film) of the same name,

Dreamposting

2010-05-20T17:59:00.003+01:00

I've discovered another ever-so-tiny flaw in my otherwise perfect existence - the realistic nature of my dreams.Some people have fantastical dreams and wake up breathlessly exclaiming about being chased down their old school corridor by a unicorn carrying the co-joined twins of Margaret Thatcher and Sting. I envy those people in some way because my dreams are exactly like real life.

I feel like god just shat in my head...

2010-05-16T17:50:00.002+01:00

After a quiet start to the beginning of the year, a combination of a hectic period of work and a thrilling but emotionally draining climax to the football season (for a Spurs fan anyway) has resulted in me having a few drinks recently; culminating in an Alabama 3 gig in Bristol last night.Great gig. Great night. Great company. With just the one slight problem.My hangover right now.Time for a

Red Squirrel's Film Reviews. Part 3.

2010-05-08T15:32:00.001+01:00

This week:Kick AssReview:Ass-kickingly awesome.

It's only a game...

2010-05-05T18:10:00.003+01:00

In the not-at-all-nervous countdown to the Champion's League shoot-out tonight, I thought I'd pop in and say 'Hi! I am alive, but I am lazy, busy and pretty content with life so haven't been online that much.'So without further ado:Hi! I am alive, but I am lazy, busy and pretty content with life so haven't been online that much.With that out of the way, does anyone remember Donald Rumsfeld? He

I'd just like to say...

2010-04-14T22:59:00.004+01:00

Spurs 2Arsenal 1After 20 games without beating them in the league, and in the context of our challenge for fourth spot, please forgive me for suggesting that we;GET THE FUCK IN!!!

And on the other hand...

2010-04-10T13:26:00.002+01:00

...you've got to laugh or you'd cry, right?I can't stop watching this clip, just for the blank look on Chris Kamara's face when he's asked about a sending-off during a game - a game that 'the watching of and reporting thereon' is pretty much his entire job description.Too fucking funny.

Everybody hurts...

2010-04-07T19:02:00.003+01:00

And everybody dies.As the lyrics should go.I have a friend, a very good friend, that I've known almost from the first moment I moved back to Bristol in mid-97. He's a bit older than me - in fact he has children the same age as Mrs RS - but we've been firm friends through business and social adventures that have been hairy, scary and exhilarating. We even stayed friends throughout me having a

Red Squirrel's Film Reviews. Part 2.

2010-03-20T14:01:00.002Z

This week:Green ZoneReview:Anger-inducingly true, even if it is (at times) like watching Poirot with rocket launchers. Excellent.

Red Squirrel's Film Reviews. Part 1.

2010-03-17T17:30:00.000Z

This week:Alice in WonderlandReview:Turgid.

Seamlessly blending in...

2010-03-11T18:35:00.003Z

Many thanks to a work colleague for this (because frankly I wouldn't be seen dead watching the local news round here).Yesterday's 'Points West' local BBC news report contained a short segment from a field in Gloucestershire, where lots of tubby-looking brickies are shoddily throwing together a huge new army base for the headquarters of the Nato Allied Rapid Reaction Corps (all the details are

One second, Mr Marketing sir....

2010-03-04T17:46:00.002Z

I have a confession to make. I am the progeny of someone involved in advertising.Please don't hit me.In fact, not only did my father have his own successful advertising agency in London for twenty years, but my sister works high up enough in the european advertising industry that my niece was a total brand snob by the age of two.Until you've been put down by a toddler for wearing the wrong brand

I'm awake!

2010-03-01T18:16:00.004Z

I am still kicking, I've just been incredibly busy recently. Mrs RS has now moved in but is rather ill (for reasons that I don't need to go in to) and will be for a couple more weeks. So my time has been spent looking after her or working.I'll be back properly soon. Once I've read the 130+ posts in my google reader.So probably around May then.Anyway, one thing has been resolved - both Mrs RS and

Validation

2010-02-09T20:51:00.004Z

I recently received an email from an un-named person asking me to check out their blog and start 'following' it. I did have a read of a few posts and it is indeed quite amusing - I shall be adding it to my google reader - however I won't be 'following' it.Because let's be honest, it's all a little bit bollocks isn't it, this following lark? It's a teeny small step away from seeing how many

Cooking advice...

2010-02-07T16:33:00.002Z

Dear Cook-in-the-Cafe-at-work,Things that leeks and potatoes are good in:soupstewthe occasional pieThings that leeks and potatoes are not good in:curryPlease bear this in mind the next time you make a Chicken Bhuna.Yours in gastronomic anticipation,Red Squirrel

Smile...

2010-02-04T18:59:00.002Z

No matter what happens in my day, the best parts of it are always when people make me laugh. Maybe it's a product of growing up in England (after all, you have to have a wicked sense of humour to live here and remain vaguely sane) but genuine moments of mirth are to be treasured.So hats of this week to a senior manager at Apple UK and a local landlord who have both amused me greatly.The former

Breaking news from Apple...

2010-02-01T22:36:00.003Z

They appear to have shrunk their board members for a start.Midget Jobs struggled with his iPhoneWhat an utter waste of time, effort and money. I shudder to think of what they'll come up with next - the 42" version that sits on a stand in the corner of the room and is called the 'iView' perhaps?Although I think the Daily Mash said it best.IT DO TELLY!

2010-01-26T20:55:00.003Z

I've been a bit lax at updating this recently, but I have a good excuse. Well actually I have four good excuses :-1) Work. Lots of stuff going on that I can't talk about. Could be significant (you can take whatever implication you wish from that)2) Tax return. I seriously dislike doing self-assessment every year. It's like doing a simple test with your gonads wired up to a car battery. It should

Touche

2010-01-19T23:05:00.002Z

An email conversation with a colleague who was snowed in in his tiny village last week (apparently they used all the salt on their chips or something):-Me: "Enjoying your day off?"Colleague: "I'm looking after a two-year old and a sick wife, what do you think?"Me: "Could you not get them to a play a first-to-a-hundred Hungry Hippo series?Colleague: "I normally get a black-eye if I mention 'Hungry

Allsorts...

2010-01-18T18:42:00.003Z

I got back from NY in NY last weekend, but a combination of jetlag and a cold has kept me offline for a while.(And buying Football Manager 2010 on a whim at the airport probably wasn't my brightest idea ever.)Moving swiftly on to a week last Saturday, and I found myself on an extremely uncomfortable and turbulent flight across the atlantic. For once I wasn't sat next to a baby, a mother and badly

Aaaaaaaaand back...

2010-01-11T20:14:00.003Z

Good evening, my internet chums. How are you all today?I'm amazingly jet-lagged and have survived going straight back to work by drinking lots of tea and diet coke. Consequently I'm buzzing and nodding off at the same time.I've just about caught up with all your blogging. My apologies for lack of comments, but it's hard enough just fitting in enough time to read it all! I'll be back to my usual

Holy fuck...

2010-01-06T20:45:00.003Z

I found out this week that Mrs RS' nephew is called :-Dante Elvis Armand GudszinkskusSurely that's some sort of child abuse?

Two peoples divided by a common language...

2010-01-03T02:22:00.002Z

While there are many differences between English and 'American' English, I've been going out with Mrs RS long enough that we both converse in a hybrid of the two. I'll say sidewalk, social security and 'go for a smoke', and she'll say pavement, national insurance and 'go for a fag'.Or we'll use a mixture, it's not exactly hard.Or so I thought.Mrs RS has a neighbour on the same floor as she is and

It's the end of the year as we know it...

2009-12-30T22:29:00.002Z

In two days it's another decade, and more importantly it's when I have another year off drinking.So until now and then I intend to get wasted.See you in the New Year peeps. Have a great one, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.Like be sober.Hic! :)

Concatenation...

2009-12-24T18:13:00.002Z

Life is always a bit hectic around Christmas. There's always too much to do in not enough time. Therefore it's quite acceptable to take some short cuts here and there to save a bit of time.Especially, I may add, if you've just been in a city-centre Target on the day before Christmas Eve. A deeply unsettling experience where you can only tell the zombies shopping from the zombies working there by

That's disturbing...

2009-12-22T23:27:00.002Z

Following on from my recent Belle de Jour small-world experience, you can imagine my delight when I had another such episode on Sunday afternoon.For who should be lurking at Heathrow Terminal 3 all afternoon whilst I waited for my delayed flight to take-off?Stalker girl.Airports are not very big places when you're trying to avoid someone. Thankfully a batch of the Barmy Army (England cricket fans

Festive season advice...

2009-12-16T19:09:00.003Z

While we're on the subject of yesterday's post, I found this to be quite pertinent:

A Christmas tip...

2009-12-15T21:04:00.002Z

Should you happen to find yourself to be a small lady wearing a pink woolly hat, I would suggest that shouting across a busy metropolitan shopping centre - to a group of men getting a round in at a German market stall - that you require, and I quote :-"HOT MAN JUICE!!"is not the wisest thing you will ever do.We got her a gluehwein anyway....

Bleurgh.

2009-12-14T18:20:00.002Z

I've had flu for the last 5 days (not swine flu, I had that when it was less fashionable - this is normal flu which I'm packing in pre-Christmas to be a trendsetter) and I feel like shite, so this will be brief.I'm off at the end of the week to NY for three weeks to see Mrs RS and celebrate Christmas. She absolutely loves it and I absolutely loathe it, so we've agreed some compromises in order

Ewww....

2009-12-07T18:49:00.002Z

Ready to feel nauseated?Yes? If not, feel free to click elsewhere right now.Okay, whilst having a conversation last week with a colleague about diets (and - concerning mine - a conspicuous lack of vegetables therein), we touched on the subject of fast-food.I confessed a mild craving for a Zinger Tower meal from KFC whenever I pass one, and he told me what his usual McDonalds order was.Brace

Bill Nicholson I am not...

2009-11-30T19:07:00.003Z

Sunday was round 5 in our inter-departmental football series, during which my expert management has guided our team from a 14-1 spanking to drawing 4-4 (even though we should've won).I didn't actually play this time because I wasn't feeling well, but I turned up to hurl good-natured abuse at our team and control all the substitutions. In addition I was given a whistle that seemed to have come

Moral pertubation...

2009-11-28T01:10:00.002Z

Is it wrong to entirely reject a CV on the basis that they wrote 'companies intranet' five separate times on it?Is it wrong to entirely reject a CV on the basis that they'll get bored and leave within a month?Is it wrong to entirely reject a CV because they used the phrases 'excellent communication skills' and 'works well as part of a team' in the first three paragraphs?Is it wrong to entirely

Belle d'hier

2009-11-25T18:29:00.003Z

I started blogging, um.....let's see.....blimey, over four years ago. I'd just started yet another contract in the frozen wastes of north-east England and was bored shitless living in a basic (if pretty) flat on the coast south of Middlesborough. As I was only going to be there for 6 months I had no internet, no phone, no satellite/cable telly, no central heating and a single 14" TV that the

A picture speaks a thousand words...

2009-11-24T19:12:00.001Z

Oh yes :)

Great news...

2009-11-19T21:16:00.002Z

No, really - look:"Drinking alcohol every day cuts the risk of heart disease in men by more than a third, a major study suggests.":)"The Spanish research involving more than 15,500 men and 26,000 women found large quantities of alcohol could be even more beneficial for men."Oh yeah baby!"Female drinkers did not benefit to the same extent, the study in Heart found."Shame. They should man up a bit

So good they named it twice...

2009-11-18T19:37:00.008Z

I'm a bit behind here, but obviously I went to New York a few weeks back to see Mrs RS. We wanted to get out of the part of the city she lives in, and preferably out of the place all together. Unfortunately Mrs RS had business to attend to on the Monday, so for the first two days we just stayed in a very nice hotel near the airport, ordered room service or got take-out, had a few drinks and just

Whilst we're on the subject...

2009-11-17T00:12:00.002Z

If we're going back to The Wonderstuff, how can we avoid this classic?Takes me right back to pre-university days.And frankly if you've never heard 'Sit Down' by James then you should be ashamed, but then if I hadn't heard such riches then I could live with being poor....

Morbid thoughts...

2009-11-16T20:11:00.004Z

Well, technically that is correct, in that I'm most certainly thinking of death. My death in fact.I'm actually planning my death as you read this. No - really - in minutiae.To be honest, writing a will shouldn't be this hard.I've never done one before (which is a bit naughty for someone who's owned property for 11 years as apparently if you don't have one then if you die 'intestate' - something

Satisfaction guaranteed...

2009-11-14T00:51:00.003Z

There are many people in the world (far, far too many) who expect a little bit too much out of life. The man who wants the ideal partner - beautiful, stunning body, intelligent, rich, can suck a golf ball through a hosepipe and is a beer empire heiress (to borrow the Perfect Australian Woman joke).The man who has the vision of what would be perfect and will settle for nothing less, despite being

Like two helium ballons escaping from a sack

2009-11-12T22:34:00.002Z

That's right bitches - I'm back! Well, sort of. In spirit anyway.Basically I think you're all great (stop it, I'll shed a tear) and my desire to make balloon animals out of certain people's intestines has diminished (not entirely - we're up to rape 4 in the current spree, including a 14-year old. Total scum.) to the level that I'd almost certainly not do it to someone I know.Probably.I have a

Musings...

2009-11-11T20:31:00.001Z

I've had a bit of a think about what to jot down here today (because I don't want this blog to turn into a whinge-fest - sure, things haven't been great recently but I'd like to get back to my normal service of not-very-subtly mocking the world and slowly drowning in an ocean of cynicism). I came up with nothing. Sorry. So instead, here are five things that vaguely wandered through my head -

Just when you think that things can't get worse...

2009-11-09T21:59:00.000Z

How much bad luck am I having right now? After a welcome fun night out at a gig in Birmingham on Friday (sordid details to follow) I dragged myself back to Bristol to discover that: a) I live in Manchester b) I have 19 kids and am claiming Working Tax Credit on them, and c) the government would like that money back, please, if it's not too much trouble, now, right now, did I mention how you

Levity

2009-11-05T16:59:00.001Z

What type of cheese can hide a horse?Answer in white text below:MascarponeYeah, that's pretty much how I'm feeling right now....

Awkward

2009-10-30T23:54:00.002Z

So, um, what to say? May as well stick to the facts.....In the early hours of the fifth day of the trial, Mrs RS was attacked and *insert hideous imagination here* by a group of guys near her apartment.Which is why I went to NY the next day.We will get through this together, and I cannot overstate my thanks for the support we've been receiving. We both appreciate everything that has been done for

Being there

2009-10-25T19:05:00.003Z

I've just got back from NY and I haven't had much sleep for the last day or so, so please forgive me for not replying to your thoughtful comments on my previous post(s) yet.I was musing on the way back (and there's little you can do but muse when you're sat on a plane that's stuck on the tarmac at JFK for 80 minutes) about the nature of friendship. A very good friend of mine once explained to me

Ciao

2009-10-16T23:09:00.001+01:00

Okay, my world (or rather a huge fucking ginormous chunk of it) just fell apart.So I'm off for a bit.Behave yourselves while I'm gone.

It's green, so it must be healthy

2009-10-15T20:47:00.002+01:00

Couple of things going on right now. Firstly I've had a really bad cold since Saturday and am currently paying for inadvertently ingesting a pint of snot every night whilst trying to breathe.It probably counts as one of my five-a-day though, right?Secondly, Mrs RS is attending court for the trial of the men involved in the robbery at the beginning of the year. Unfortunately, as one of the key

Lessons in life pt. 28 and 29

2009-10-09T22:01:00.003+01:00

Lesson 28:Should you ever run out of kindling wood and be unable to find any in the vicinity, it is possible to light a coal fire using a mixture of Gordon's Gin, Extra Virgin Olive Oil and wood chips from a spare piece of two by four you've attacked with a chisel and a mallet.Lesson 29:When lighting your homemade napalm with a lighter, make sure you wear your glasses (or any other protective

Ow

2009-10-07T21:49:00.003+01:00

I got added on facebook last night by a colleague's girlfriend, an action that included the message:"Hello is this <> the one who works with <> who meet (sic) his american love interest via internet?"Well, when you put it like *that*, it sounds kind of wrong... :(Anyway, guess what this is:Any ideas?It is, in fact, my stomach this evening after copping a brute of a volley at football last night.

On the other hand...

2009-10-06T20:28:00.002+01:00

(So to speak)I did quite like this in my statcounter logs:Detroit Public Schools (76.216.132.35) [Label IP Address]passablycontent.blogspot.com/2009/08/oh-titty-fucking-bollocks.htmlwww.google.com/search?hl=en&source=hp&q=titty fuck blogspot&aq=f&oq=&aqi=My thoughts:a) Teacher or pupil?b) Surely there's better porn outside of blogger?c) How disappointed were they to see a list of football

Right then...

2009-10-06T20:08:00.002+01:00

I guess I've been not-in-a-good-mood for a few weeks for a very simple reason.Lack of sleep.For the last three Sundays I've had almost no sleep, which has resulted in me being spaced and irritable at work on a Monday, which has made all the stupid politics that I normally laugh at seem like a personal affront, which has put me in a bad mood in the evenings, which has disturbed my sleep and so on

Sorry

2009-10-04T01:01:00.002+01:00

I've been in a bit of a lull recently, so apologies if I've been narky on here.I aim to resolve this by the end of the weekend.Tchuss.

A little bit of politics...

2009-10-03T00:53:00.002+01:00

I'm not an overtly political person, in that I have my ideas about life and how it should be run, but I'd not stand around hectoring other people into voting for the same thing.I like to believe in collective, blind, benevolent voting. Which generally results in everyone voting for the people who promise to steal slightly less than the other people. It's basically the same as normal politics.But

That sinking feeling....

2009-10-01T19:40:00.005+01:00

If I accurately described what is going on at work at the moment, you wouldn't believe me. So instead you can have some doodles that highlight my current working life.I call this 'What my department would be like if it was a well-known ship (and it doesn't half feel like it some days)', or 'My Managers are Clueless Numpties' for short.And yes, I did do all of that this evening. Frustration can be

It must be love

2009-09-27T00:50:00.004+01:00

A sample of today's conversation:Me: "I almost bought you a present today"Mrs RS: "But you didn't?"Me: "No, I've learnt my lesson enough to make sure it fits first."My brain: "Hah, cunningly throwing the scent off towards clothing or lingerie. She'll never guess I was going to buy jewelry."Mrs RS: "Was it a ring?"My brain: "What. The. Fuck....?"Me: "Not necessarily. Why?"Mrs RS: "Was it going to

Two cats fighting in the hallway

2009-09-23T18:35:00.002+01:00

Whilst that would be a great (if surreal) Red Indian name, it is in fact now my fourth least pleasant way to wake up at 3am.And 4am.And 5am.And finally 6am before I lost my rag and stormed outside to chase away the stupid bloody cat trying to get into my flat.(For the record: number three is the sound of the smoke alarm, number two is the sound of some psycho scraping knife blades together -

A moment of introspection, if I may...

2009-09-20T01:02:00.003+01:00

There are moments - well of course there are moments, if there weren't then we'd be a bit fucked timewise - but there are moments when you are fulfilled.There are moments when you genuinely feel content, when you feel happy, when you feel joy. We all have them, and we all have them for different reasons.There are moments that the cliche dictates that they should last forever, but there's a reason

Yawn

2009-09-15T21:30:00.002+01:00

I've made the mistake of watching Harper's Island on BBC 3 on Sunday nights. I'm now hooked.Plus they show a double bill. I love watching good US shows on the BBC because you get no adverts, and it lets the tension build nicely.Sadly this is the problem. It's quite scary and....well.... it's giving me nightmares such that my sleep patterns are completely buggered at the start of the week.I should

It's a new day...

2009-09-12T00:44:00.002+01:00

So I bring happy joy joy instead :)I went to see Bill Bailey the other week with my excellently good friend (and I can confidently predict he'll never read this) Mike.Mike and I have been Bill Bailey fans since the olden times. From his stand-up shows, from his early tours, through some live shows we had the pleasure to experience, and to the present day.[If you don't particularly appreciate the

In for a penny...

2009-09-11T20:03:00.003+01:00

I've thought long and hard about actually posting this, but then I thought 'fuck it, it's my blog and anyone who takes offence clearly doesn't understand who I am'.Seeing as today is 11/9, it seems to be popular to write reminiscing posts about the terrorist attacks on New York. Seeing as I spend quite a bit of time there it would seem logical to follow suit, but instead I actually want to

Murder most foul

2009-09-09T21:01:00.004+01:00

Or 'Moiduh' as Taggart would've said.I said I didn't make the 4th day of the Test because of unforeseen circumstances - and that was true, because I spoke to Mrs. RS on Sunday morning and then sold my ticket on.Y'see I'd not been out with my friend Q in over nine years. Nine fucking years. We spoke on the phone every few months but we'd not met in person for half a decade. Q and I met on my first

He's given him! The finger goes up. The umpire's Hugh Jarce....

2009-09-08T22:05:00.006+01:00

I'll happily credit The 12th Man for my title today.(If you've never heard him before, here's a link to one of his earliest recordings - high level of swearing warning :) )If you haven't already guessed, today's post is about cricket.Specifically it's about Ashes cricket, which - you may have read - England actually won.As per tradition, I attended the Edgbaston test match (I grew up not a

How to feel old pt. 2

2009-09-08T00:11:00.004+01:00

On my way to work today I walked past about 500 freshly-scrubbed young students, gathered on their first day at University to register for their courses and I thought of only one single thing:Christ, another bunch of noise-mongering bastards determined to hold 'fresher' parties every night for a fortnight and deny me any sleep whatsoever during the week.I'm not even twice their age yet, and I'm

Inspiration

2009-09-03T18:53:00.005+01:00

Our work provides free tea and coffee, and should you have forgotten/broken your mug then they have a collection of old ones (presumably left by those fired over the years) that anyone can use. Whilst trying to find my mug last week - after it had been moved by someone, I came across this filthy example of an inspirational message.Now how do you read that?I read it as 'why bother doing your job?

Just this once...

2009-09-02T18:35:00.002+01:00

I don't do memes as a rule, but I'm making this one exception for Pearl and then I'm never doing one again.Apparently I have to list seven quirky personality traits that are evidenced in this blog and then pass it on to seven other bloggers.I've spent a while narrowing the list down from ninety-two, so here they are...1) I have a love/hate relationship with punctuation. I can't stand colons,

2009-09-01T00:01:00.002+01:00

I do live.It's been a bank holiday (= for americans yet another free day off work that you don't get. In fact I think we get more free days holiday than you get annual leave. It sucks to be you sometimes) and I've had fun.Lots of fun.Woot woot.Many updates coming soon. With pictures :)You're all great though. I love you guys. I'd be, like, nothing without you all.*sob*

Well, yes...

2009-08-26T17:54:00.002+01:00

A colleague told me this story today. Apparently his wife - who has zero interest in football - wandered into their front room last night and said:"I just heard on the radio about that footballer who was stabbed in the legs.""Yes," said my colleague, wondering where this was going.She continued. "They said they might have to amputate his legs.""That's what I heard too," he replied.She paused,

Most annoying advert ever....

2009-08-23T01:29:00.002+01:00

This one.I'm sure it's attempting to be 'ironic' or something, but seriously - who thinks that front fog lights and CUSTOM MATS come under the description of 'goodies'.Grrrrrrrr....

100 not out

2009-08-20T19:20:00.001+01:00

I thought I'd use my 100th post on this blog to sit back, relax and say:We are top of the league, say we are top of the league!I may never get the chance again, so I'm grabbing it while I can :)

How to feel old, pt. 1

2009-08-19T23:06:00.002+01:00

When your 22 year old co-worker informs you that she has never used a fax machine.I'll say that again:Never used a fax machineWhen faced with our incredulity, she simply stated 'well, why wouldn't you email it?'Words fail me. I require a time machine to re-educate her. I bet she's never done a tape-mix either, or used a VCR.Does anyone have a spare time machine?

Btw

2009-08-18T20:18:00.002+01:00

Regarding yesterday's post - on the off-chance you may have thought I was making those things up:Coffee from cat pooAll the rubber plantations in Asia come from one manOh, and I'll add to my list:e) it is possible to have a first name containing no vowels (or the letter y)

Truth

2009-08-17T21:37:00.002+01:00

Things I've learnt in the last 7 days that are actually true. (No really. Seriously.)a) Never do your football predictions when drunk (thanks Aussie Boy)b) The greatest coffee in the world is made from filtered cat poo.c) Rubber trees are not native to Asia. In fact every rubber plantation owes its existence to one man.d) The most mis-understood word in the English language is 'agnostic'*Anyway,

Oh, titty fucking bollocks...

2009-08-14T22:07:00.002+01:00

It's the start of the season tomorrow (that's the football (the proper one where you use your feet) season obviously) and I've not done my annual predictions yet.I know this is a favourite time for some of you as you get to marvel is the rare occurrence of me being wrong occasionally, and I'm sure I won't be disappointing anyone this evening....So, let's get it on:1) The winners of the

Beauty

2009-08-13T20:38:00.004+01:00

I observed women's buttocks the other day - and I saw beauty.Not at the same time, I'd like to add.No, I was purchasing a sandwich at a posh(ish) sandwich bar near work (by posh I mean - not fried bacon and without ketchup) and seeing as it provides excellent (if expensive) freshly made salads to order, it is normally half full of women.(Would it be rude to point out to a lady that 'chicken,

Wem-ber-lee, Wem-ber-lee, Wem-ber-lee!

2009-08-07T17:44:00.003+01:00

The other week I attended the pre-season tournament known as the inaugural Wembley Cup.(Though frankly, how they can call it a 'tournament' escapes me. 4 teams in the tournament, that each play two other teams - not all three. Therefore you have one team playing Africa's club champions on the Friday, followed by England's 10th best team on the Sunday - whilst another team plays Scotland's second

Right then...

2009-08-05T20:13:00.003+01:00

Okay, I've been a bit shit at updating this recently. In my defence there's been work, cricket, pre-season friendlies, big drunken catch-up sessions and murder getting in the way.But enough of the rest of August's posts, let's talk babies.Yeah. You heard me. The evil scrot-like things that refuse to stop bothering the planet like an intergalactic herpes infection.Now I'm not averse to the concept

Howzat!

2009-07-31T22:25:00.003+01:00

I'm at the cricket for a few days, so will update more next week.(Suffice to say we skittled a few Aussie wickets today :) )You'll be glad to hear that I've finally stopped singing the Trio advert. Sadly I've replaced it with this 80's classic...Re-record, not fade away......Re-record, not fade away......

Can't get you out of my head...

2009-07-29T18:21:00.004+01:00

I've been singing this for two days now (interspersed with different words - and it's quite hard to get a single syllable word like 'beer' to stretch to four syllables). It's driving me mad!If you're not both English and of a certain vintage then you won't understand this post at all! :)

The Potted History of the World

2009-07-21T21:03:00.003+01:00

Welcome, welcome - a thousand welcomes - to the first of an infrequent series of posts about major historical events, major historical people, and major historical history stuff.These won't be in chronological order because frankly, up until someone invented beer, history was boring as fuck. Instead I'll be choosing a random topic each time, as and when the mood takes me.Chapter One - The New

Lessons in life pt. 27

2009-07-20T19:10:00.003+01:00

They're coming thick and fast at the moment. Today's was:When you are surreptitiously listening at work to an incredibly close cricket match between England and Australia (one headphone in your right ear that no-one walking past can see), and Freddie Flintoff gets Brad Haddin with the 10th ball of the day - do not do a pathetic Tim Henman-esque fist pump whilst shouting out 'YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Lessons in life pt. 26

2009-07-14T20:46:00.003+01:00

How was your day? Good I hope.Mine started with the following conversation which, as those of you that have seen me first thing in the morning will understand, left me a little confused all day:Colleague: "Hey {my real name}, you'll know this - when was Reagan assassinated?"Me : "Um, do you mean shot?"Colleague: "Yeah"Me: "1981 I think" (Trivia I can do*)Colleague: "Nooooo, Tainted Love never