Thursday, 28 October 2010

Sad

I'm home now after 3,800 miles of driving around the pacific northwest over two weeks. At times it was a fantastic holiday and some great photos will likely appear when I can get them.

However something, as always. overshadows this. I can't talk about it explictly as it's not my choice to. Either way my life is continuing behind a facade that is slowly crumbling. I try, I really try to care about things but I can't anymore.

I just can't.

Life shouldn't be about fucking memories, it should be about hope, excitement, joy - anything other than blind obedience to the party line that we all 'had a good innings'. It shouldn't be about what we did, what we lived through, who we once saw, who we saw do what. It should be about who we are. What we're going to do. Where we're going to go.

It should be but it isn't.

I have to be strong. I have to avoid the reality of the situation and be strong. I'm a thousand tonnes of rock supported by the sheer willpower of a thousand matchsticks. I cannot break, or rather I cannot break externally. I cannot allow it.

I may never return here, for which I apologise. Know only that I would not do this lightly.

On the other hand, I might be back next week. Keep 'em guessing and all that.

7 comments:

Jack said...

I think it would be best if you came back. Please?

Take some time out - plenty of Bloggers do (intentional or otherwise). Get on top of life :)

lgsquirrel said...

Hi there my red cousin. I just started coming by your interesting blog and would very much like to see photos of your Pacific Northwest so I really hope you do come back after a break. And I do hope things improve for you. May be a life change is due.

Madame DeFarge said...

Take care, hope all works out.

Kevin Musgrove said...

However things pan out, look after yourself mate.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Little Squirrel...if I can do anything for you, and I'm totally serious, e-mail me or message me on Facebook. You have but to ask.

All my love,
Sweet Cheeks

weenie said...

All the best RS - sounds like you're in a bad place. Hope there's light at the end of the tunnel. x

Charby said...

Hang in there RS! Surely the stupendousness of a certain Mr Bale is enough to cheer you up?!