Thursday, 5 February 2009

Step away from the internet, ma'am...

I've not complained about work for a while. Mainly because if I did I'd have a RSI from all the typing inside of a week.

The secret saboteur in our team that's trying to get us all sacked? Not worth the typing effort.

The lazy arse contractor who does no work and doesn't try to hide it? I fail to see the point in getting worked up.

The boss that 'works from home' on the off-chance it might rain? I'm rising above it.


I have, however, mentioned the evil witch of a client before. She's still being an evil witch but I'm on unofficial strike after she did something retarded and then blamed me, so thankfully someone else on the team has drawn the short straw this month.

She really is the most insufferable person I've ever met. The fact that she's American is irrelevant - she has a corrosive personality that transcends mere culture. She's also, if I'm honest, not very bright.

She'd raised a request at the end of last year to change a part of the system that we've written for her. This was done, tested and rolled-out several weeks ago.

Last week she tried to use the system as she's been trained to do - for the last year - but got confused and did it very, very wrongly instead. Rather than admit a mistake, she raised an issue with the helpdesk that was (in its entirety):

"YOU SAID YOU'D DONE x. YOU HAVEN'T. YOU LIED!!!!!!"

My colleague, after briefly confirming that the problem was caused by a user with less IQ points than keys to press, decided to reply in kind late last night. He called over to me from his desk:

"Is 'I find it highly offensive to be called a liar by someone too stupid to use the internet' a bit harsh?"

"Er," I replied, "probably. How about 'I do not take kindly to having my integrity questioned when I have done nothing wrong'? I've dealt with her a lot and she'll take what you said badly."

"Good point. I'll go with what you came up with," he said, while typing away.



Imagine my surprise, therefore, on entering the office this morning to read that his reply was:

"I do not take kindly to having my integrity questioned when the problem was your fault. You daft cow."

Thank heavens he took my advice......




Anyway, talking of evil witches, here's a picture of today's snowman that I call:

Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!! I'm melting! Meeeeeelllllllllllltttttiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggg.......


5 comments:

Sweet Cheeks said...

The caption under this picture is:

"Holy Daft Cow...Someone's getting fired!"

What a cute snowman...I mean evil witchy snowperson.

And something about that snowman reminds me of the Ghostbusters movies.

Have a nice night Little Squirrel!
:)

Belle said...

I'm thinking I know this woman Squirrel.
Is it Ruby Wax?
I'm guessing from your silent response that it is!

Red Squirrel said...

Sweet Cheeks - there is a touch of the Stay Puff Marshmallow man about him isn't there?

Belle - I'd credit Ruby with a bigger IQ than her shoe size....

Pearl said...

I know this woman. She eats what's not hers in the company fridge. She takes things from the printer that aren't hers and then throws them away rather than be bothered to return them. She brings a bag of potato chips (crisps?) to a potluck.
She cannot be trusted and needs to be done away with.
Send me $19.99 and I'll show you how.
Pearl

Red Squirrel said...

It's a good scheme Pearl, and I was tempted but I think our office is going with a suggestion from Texas - which was just 'hit her with an axe'.