Friday, 14 August 2009

Oh, titty fucking bollocks...

It's the start of the season tomorrow (that's the football (the proper one where you use your feet) season obviously) and I've not done my annual predictions yet.

I know this is a favourite time for some of you as you get to marvel is the rare occurrence of me being wrong occasionally, and I'm sure I won't be disappointing anyone this evening....

So, let's get it on:

1) The winners of the Premiership this season will be.....Chelsea. A brave shout, but I think that their squad is old and experienced and so is their coach. Ancelotti will bring the best tactically out of what is still a pretty strong group.

2) Second in the league will be.......Manure. Yes they lost Ronaldo and haven't replaced him with anything approaching the same ability, but removing the diving tosser from their side gives them a better formation to suit the other players.

3) Third will be.......Liverpool. Losing Alonso is a bad blow, and any injury to Torres of Gerrard will be curtains for any title bid.

4) Fourth will be.......Arsenal. Sorry Man City, I just can't see your best side emerge until too late in the season to challenge the gooners. Having said that, if the scummer's injury list get any worse then even holding on to fourth could be problematic.

5) I can't see beyond Man City, though they'll be closer to 6th than 4th.

6) I'm fancying Everton for 6th. Unless Lescott moves, then they might swap with Villa.

7) Villa for 7th. I'd hoped we'd poach Young but that looks a non-starter, and though they've lost Laursen and Barry I don't see them dropping off that much.

8) Time for realism. I just don't get the feeling that Spurs will push on this season. It's a stabilising year for us. Yes we'll beat the big teams but we'll crumble at times and lose stupid games when the big teams would close it out.

9) The three relegated teams will be Portsmouth, Wigan and Birmingham

10) Top scorer in the league will be Jermaine Defoe (oh come on, allow me some Spurs bias!)

11) Michael Owen will not score more than 15 league goals

12) But Darren Bent will

13) First Manager to be sacked will be Martinez of Wigan

14) Spurs will be in the top four at Christmas

15) A Premiership player will test positive for drugs (or will be penalised for not taking a test)

16) England will qualify for the World Cup with the best record of any European country

17) North Korea will make it to the World Cup finals

18) The squad that Capello picks for England at the World Cup finals will include Rooney, Heskey, Defoe and Owen, although Owen won't play a game.

19) Sunderland will finish in the top ten

20) Newcastle will not get promoted back to the Premiership this year.


A bit hurried are some of those, so I doubt I'm going to beat last year's score :(

At least Diet Coke pisses all over Diet Pepsi though *nods*

9 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

You haven't predicted who will win the World Cup.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I think Notts County will win the uh...world series cup trophy thing.

I think lacrosse is the next big sport.

Oh you laugh now...

Kevin Musgrove said...

The real outside bets are going on in the old Division 2. We've not even got to August Bank Holiday and Norwich have sacked their manager and Newcastle still hasn't got one.

Bradford Park Avenue will win the play-offs after a tight final against Gainsborough Trinity.

Anonymous said...

I'm sure #17 was a tough call, seeing as North Korea have already qualified :p

Pearl said...

Ah, I have as much knowledge about this as I do American Football, which is nought.

This does not stop me from commenting.

:-)
Pearl

Jack said...

I think the opening weekend was interesting really ... as a Villa fan, I am saddened, but any Everton/Liverpool fans will be feeling sorry for themselves too. Ha.

Red Squirrel said...

gb - Spain :)

TVA - Notts County will win the old Division 4 this season but, like, that's a big improvement :)

Kevin - I know a *bit* about the championship and think that Coventry and Middlesborough will be up there - purely because I think Chris Coleman and Gareth Southgate are actually the same person.

Anonymous (Evan) - thanks mate. Woo-hoo! A point already! :)

Wait, I have to predict things that haven't happened yet? Jesus, talk about loading the dice. Fine, fine, I'll post a correction...

Pearl - well I'm glad you did :)

Jack - as a Spurs fan, I bet Liverpool fans are gutted.... :)

Bemused26 said...

Hi - as a Liverpool fan, Yes I was gutted! To be honest I saw it coming though and I think Spurs deserved the win. I don't see Liverpool chasing the title with the likes of Voronin on the pitch. Grrr. That was my moan. Oh and I think Owen may score more than 15- where better for him to be getting goals? They provide awesome service at Man U. That is anyway, if he doesn't injure himself straight away!

Red Squirrel said...

Bemused - hi! I'm not convinced about Owen. He looked rubbish last night as well. Bent, however, has two goals already, and Defoe is top scorer in the league. :)