Friday, 9 October 2009

Lessons in life pt. 28 and 29

Lesson 28:

Should you ever run out of kindling wood and be unable to find any in the vicinity, it is possible to light a coal fire using a mixture of Gordon's Gin, Extra Virgin Olive Oil and wood chips from a spare piece of two by four you've attacked with a chisel and a mallet.

Lesson 29:

When lighting your homemade napalm with a lighter, make sure you wear your glasses (or any other protective head gear). Thankfully I had no arm hair anyway.

I'm so looking forward to bonfire night now :)


Anonymous said...

or you can tightly wrap newspaper which will also light a coal fire... and in some peoples case that would free up the gin for consumption by a smiling and grateful human being. Possibly making the warming effect of the fire unnecessary!


Gorilla Bananas said...

Pyromania is one of the hardest mental disorders to cure.

Anonymous said...

Burning ambition is so rare nowdays

Kevin Musgrove said...

There's a lot to be said for burning lots of copies of the Daily Mail.

weenie said...

What a waste of gin!

But hey, great recipe should I be inclined to fashion my own homemade weapon!

Good job no serious injury!

token said...

I still have a pile of cherry tree branches in my back garden that I meant to hand over to you when you last visited. Perhaps I ought to deliver the wood personally. I'll trade it for the gin. Or sake.
But I am not and I repeat, NOT, offloading your wood for you.
In a manner of speaking.

Red Squirrel said...

Alfamale - no gin for me, except as lighter fluid. That stuff is rank, though the mixture does make the place smell like a barbecue :)

gb - cure? Why on earth would anyone wish to rid themselves of such a gift?!?

Anonymous - quite right, old chap.

Kevin - I'd never let one of those things into my house :)

weenie - napalm is widely under-rated in the home defence arena :)

token - yes please (on the cherry wood)! That stuff smelt fantastic when I burnt it last year.