Monday, 14 December 2009

Bleurgh.

I've had flu for the last 5 days (not swine flu, I had that when it was less fashionable - this is normal flu which I'm packing in pre-Christmas to be a trendsetter) and I feel like shite, so this will be brief.

I'm off at the end of the week to NY for three weeks to see Mrs RS and celebrate Christmas. She absolutely loves it and I absolutely loathe it, so we've agreed some compromises in order that neither of us is infected with Bah Humbug.

One of our compromises is that I dislike getting presents, whereas Mrs RS rates receiving them somewhere between chocolate induced orgasms and a month old puppy - so we've settled on me supplying lots of presents for her. Lots of win.

Her main present is possibly the best present ever. If I told you what it was (which I can't because she reads this) then you would (if you knew what it was) agree it to be the sort of present that would truly show the depth of my affection (it's that good). Even better, it's being made by my fair hands. Fantastic - deeply meaningful, personal *and* self-made. Could I be a better boyfriend?

Don't answer that.

Anyway, I started this the moment I got back from my last trip and have purchased all the raw materials, power tools and equipment that I will require. I've spent just about every weekend on it, and have tried to squeeze in a short burst after work every night before it gets late enough for the polite neighbourly knock of doom. All in all, I've spent about 30 man hours making it.

Until last weekend, when a mere two hours from completion it broke.

When I say broke, I mean 'exploded into a thousand pieces', 'destroyed irrecoverably' and 'crushed beneath the cruel hammers of fate'. My deepest affection was basically shattered.

And no, it wasn't a shoulder-mounted firework launcher. Although one of those would be tres cool.

Thankfully, occasional commenter Alfaman stepped in with a suggestion and lo! Like a non-flaming, un-birdlike Phoenix - the present lives again! Enough was salvaged from the wreckage to construct something different but almost as good, and I shall feel less like I'm turning up with no presents at all. Mrs RS tells me that the visit is back on.

8 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Well done on putting it together again. I've heard sex toys are a real bugger to fix when they're broken.

Cheeks said...

A shoulder mounted sex toy... oh my. Now there's a visual. *gets lost in happy thoughts*

Glad to hear you were able to salvage a gift for the Mrs. Hope you get over the lesser-known raccoon flu very soon.

Ben said...

I don't suppose you took photos of the nearly completed item, therfore enabling a "here's what you could have won" moment?

I am intrigued to know what it is.

Irish Gumbo said...

Crikey, now I need to know what it is! Although Cheeks suggestion conjures up some real, shall we say, interesting images...

Good luck and godspeed, mate. Let us know how it turns out.

Red Squirrel said...

gb - funny how you should alight upon the idea of a sex-toy. You're clearly spending too much time around your anthropological cousins...

Cheeks - I'm nothing if not creative, and thanks I fully intend to be disease free before I fly on Sunday!

Ben - sorry, the utterly destroyed version is still the (roughly) same idea as the new version so any picture would ruin the surprise...

IG - I will spill the sappy beans after christmas. Mrs RS has had to put up with me dropping hints for several weeks now and she's spitting feathers over not knowing what it is :)

P said...

Wait - you've had swine flu AND normal flu already this year?

Man, you must have a crappy immune system...

Sweet Cheeks said...

Hi Little Squirrel!

As a fellow sufferer of every known flu to mankind...my sympathies for your illness. This last bout stayed with me for 4 weeks...but I kicked it's ass and so shall you.

As for your present making scheme...I TOLD YOU...carving a life size statue of you was a BAD idea...especially because you insisted on using potato crisps as your medium. Tsk Tsk...you should have gone with spaghetti, as I suggested. Silly Squirrel.
=]
xxx

Red Squirrel said...

P - I blame the vegetables...

Sweet Cheeks - I think I'm now past it, though I still annoyed most of the plane on Sunday :)