Saturday, 2 May 2009

Bonus Drunken Post!

It's 3:30am and I don't care. I'm up late because it's my girlfriend's birthday and we don't share the same continent so I'm working off island time - kapesh?

So in the true tradition of drunken (yet impeccably spelt) posts, here are 5 things about me I've never revealed before. I reserve the right to delete this post when I wake up tomorrow)

1) I'm allergic to everything. Not a joke either. I have bad eczema exacerbated by cats, dogs, heat, cold, soap, any cleaning product, rubber, anything acidic, anything alkali, anyone coughing near me or potentially existing in the same universe. Basically - it's your fault :)

1a) And when I say 'allergic' - a mere second in the presence of any surfactant will make my skin fall apart, often in real time.

2) I hate boats. I hate anything on water. I struggle to cross bridges. The mere concept on being on water freaks me out. I blame this entirely on a) seeing Jaws aged 8 and b) my Dad dropping me in the Canal de Bourgogne and despite my frenzied pleas to get out of said canal, being denied. I probably can't swim. I'd probably do a Moses if forced.

3) My first real girlfriend gave me hepatitis and destroyed half my liver forever. She did that by cheating on me in our month's 'trial period' after two years of going out. I can never forgive this.

4) I often think the world would be improved by 3,000,000,000 people dying. At least.

5) As a consequence of point 4, I'm not sure I deserve to be in the right half.....

Forgive me.


Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

ahem! So you are allergic to soap and scared of water...umm, when was the last time you had a bath???!! ;)

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I have a feeling you will be deleting this post!!

Gorilla Bananas said...

There's always shower gel or detergent. I suspect your girlfriend also cheated on you before the trial period. I'm glad it hasn't destroyed your faith in women entirely.

Rachel Noy said...

Happy birthday Miss Squirrel!!!
*Gives an acorn cake*

Aw, I also have bad eczema, it's had the cheek to start on my face this year, rather than just my hands and joints, so I'm even more noticeably a zombie than ever. I feel your pain, my last boyfriend insisted on washing his bedsheets with biological detergent rather than buying a new box of powder so I wouldn't be in pain. And swimming in public pools even though I love it is impossible. Gah. If you haven't tried it already, E45 seems to work alright, but stings like fuck if you get it in a cracked bit. Failing that, steroids all the way!

With or without chronic eczema and a wild bout of misanthropy, I hope you have a great three-day weekend!

Sweet Cheeks said...

Yay Mrs. Little Squirrel! Happy B-day!

Little Squirrel...

I have lots of allergies too, though not as many as you. We also have eczema in our family...just found on my grand is nothing you can do about that.

I almost drowned when I was 10. I am severely afraid of water...not kidding. But I love the Jaws movie. And 'Going Moses' is funny as hell.

I think your girlfriend was a shit and I'm glad she's gone. (Mrs. Squirrel is much better)

We all want to thin the herd, honey. You're a good squirrel.

When you're sober, you'll see we like you just the same. :)

Red Squirrel said...

Roshni - hmm, bath? Probably last century. Shower in just water is all I can get away with....

Plus I'll probably leave this post now. It's not as bad as I feared :)

gb - no shower gel or detergent of any kind. Gets me out of the washing up though :)

That particular episode destroyed my faith in women for about 8 years, but I seem to have reained it thankfully.

Rachel - biological washing powder? Ouch, and what a dick!

I was on the steroids for a decade or so but then they discovered the ones I'd been prescribed thinned the skin so I went down to 1-2 layers of skin rather than 7 on my hands. It's taken 15 years to get back to even close to normal, so I tend to avoid any creams at all now and manage it rather than treat it.

Hope you're having a good long weekend too! :)

Sweet Cheeks - aww thanks! I love Jaws too, it just scared me witless :)