Saturday, 16 May 2009

Yes, I know...

I realise I haven't been posting much recently - a heady combination of nothing much happening (that I can talk about anyway), being very tired and lazyarseitis.

I'm not even supposed to be here today. I'm supposed to be London for my football team's final home game of the season, however Royal Bastard Mail lost my ticket along the way so I couldn't go.

We won though, and I was in no way watching an illegal stream of the game this afternoon. No way at all.

So, seeing as I have an unexpected few spare hours, I shall share a couple of things with you. Firstly, the story of Ireland's most romantic man (courtesy of
The Register):

Ireland's 'most romantic man' is complete wanker
Craic'd one off while following women

Ireland's most romantic man has been stripped of his crown following protests that he'd been convicted of "committing two acts which were offensive to public morals and decency", viz; "following women around Galway City in his car while masturbating".

Aidan Clifford and partner Ellen Spence, who met on a skiing trip in 2007, "beat off stiff opposition"* to secure the Irish Wedding Journal's "Ireland’s Most Romantic Couple" title.

According to The Clare People, the pair won a €46,000 prize, which included "a wedding reception in the renowned Parknasilla Resort in Kerry, a designer wedding dress from either Kathy de Stafford in Dublin or Blush Bridal in Belfast and a luxury Sandals honeymoon from Tropical Places".

However, the Irish Wedding Journal was unaware that Clifford appeared last year in Galway District Court where he admitted driving to Galway on his days off from work "specifically to follow women around in his car while fondling himself".

According to the Evening Herald, his solicitor claimed Clifford's lifestyle was to blame and that he was "working himself to the bone".**

The couple currently live in Kinvara, County Galway, but Clifford works in nearby Ballyvaughan, where unimpressed residents queued up to express their outrage. One declared the whole thing a "total disgrace", adding: "My own grandchildren play down in Ballyvaughan all the time. It’s bad enough to think that this man is around, never mind putting him up on a pedestal like this."
Another insisted there was “a lot of animosity here about it. Everybody is disgusted."

The Irish Wedding Journal duly responded by withdrawing the couple's €46k booty. The magazine told the Evening Herald: "The nature of his conviction is entirely incompatible with the ethos of Ireland's Wedding Journal and the competition and we regard his entering this competition in the first place as a breach of good faith on his part.

"With regret we have come to the decision that no prize will be awarded this year."

**Double snigger.

And secondly, someone sent me this on email. Google Street View protecting the anonymity of innocent people superbly:


Gorilla Bananas said...

He needs to see them move to get excited. It's like the big cats hunting for prey. Except they don't wank themselves while doing it.

Sweet Cheeks said...

I like to call KFC...

Frickin' Fried Chicken.

Just because.....


Pearl said...

THe KFCs in Minneapolis have mostly gone under, and a number of them have been re-purposed as daycares.

I like to refer to them as "Kentucky Fried Children". Mmmm. Tender and yet crunchy.

As for the guy beating off in traffic, I am no longer surprised by how often this happens. I'm still disgusted and concerned over the person's lack of boundaries, but I'm no longer surprised. I've not written about it, but I've caught a man (picked up in front of public housing) TWICE in the last year. I've brought it to the (loud) attention of the bus driver both times, have picked him out of a line-up after he dashes off the bus and into traffic, and have received notice that there's a warrant out for his arrest following his failure to appear in court. I now carry pepper spray, just so that I at least stand a fighting chance of spraying his not-so-private bits the next time I see them...

That kind of thing can really ruin your morning, you know.


Red Squirrel said...

gb - like a big cat, stealthily tracking them by driving alongside them in a car. His stalking technique leaves a lot to be desired.....

Sweet Cheeks - a fantastic amalgamation of both stories :)

Pearl - pepper spray on the bell-end? *crosses legs*


Still, nothing more than he would deserve :)