Thursday, 2 July 2009

Not wanting to shock you or anything....

....but I'm actually English.

And because of this fact I would like to address this post to the two FUCKING SELFISH rabbis who sat next to me during my flight back last night:


"Thank you so much for denying me sleep at any point during this flight. Thank you so much for drowning out every single announcement by the cabin staff/captain for the entire flight. Thank you so much for being such ego-centric retarded fucks that you thought that the entire plane wanted to hear you discuss the minutiae of the Torah.

FOR EIGHT FUCKING HOURS.

Thank you so much for refusing to SHUT THE FUCK UP whilst eating your kosher meal that you complained about not being kosher and then ate anyway (you hypocritical c*nts), drinking (how did you do it?), apparently dozing (I nearly stabbed you in the eye with a plastic tea-stirrer at this point) and even when the other rabbi was in the toilet (why?!? WHY?!? He WASN'T THERE you dumb bastard. SHUT UP!!!! LET ME SLEEP!!!!). Were the two of you on a sponsored talk bollocks-a-thon? I nearly throttled you before we even took off because:

a) you talk TOO FUCKING LOUDLY
b) you talk a load of bullshit. I don't care what you believe, I do not have to be forced to listen to you exclaim about absolutely nothing
c) that stupid stereotypical jewish rabbi 'claw' hand gesture you do everytime you make a point. Were you trained to do this, because you both did at exactly the same time?
d) you both sound like an exceedingly humourless, racist, retarded Mel Brooks. On crack.

Die horrible deaths. Horrible, horrible deaths."

Of course I said nothing, because I'm English. I tutted once, but it made no difference. The heathens.

As a consequence I'm lacking sleep and am a tad cranky. I don't think it shows.

7 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Are you sure it was a claw gesture? I always thought it was based on tit fondling?

Red Squirrel said...

gb - it's more of an 'upskirt grab' as far as I can tell - though it was described to me as a chicken claw.....

evil ozzie hobbit said...

j'know, that just makes me want to wind you up so we can have more rants of that quality.
Fly more... come to Melbourne...

P said...

you . . . cranky??? surely not . . .

Kevin Musgrove said...

On the plus side you've had positive reinforcement of your Englishness.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Little Squirrel,

Thank goodness you ARE English...because if you were American, you would be on the 6:00 news - having just punched the two Rabbis square in the face.

Of course this would have been followed by a pistol whipping (and ultimately you would have been wrestled to the floor) by the in flight air marshall all to the cheers of the other passengers.

Sure you would have been arrested, but probably felt a lot better if you had.

Consider that next time...
;-)

Red Squirrel said...

hobbit - and that was one day afterwards as well. You should've seen me right after we landed :)

P - I know, it's such a rare occurrence!

Kevin - that's a good point. None of this shouting malarky when you can just roll your eyes.

Sweet Cheeks - I was tempted to ask them to shut the hell up, but once I started venting I was unlikely to stop :)