How much bad luck am I having right now? After a welcome fun night out at a gig in Birmingham on Friday (sordid details to follow) I dragged myself back to Bristol to discover that:
a) I live in Manchester
b) I have 19 kids and am claiming Working Tax Credit on them, and
c) the government would like that money back, please, if it's not too much trouble, now, right now, did I mention how you won't like having any knees? Now. Titty Mau!!!!
It seems all someone has to do is write to HMRC (Her Majesty's Royal C*ntflaps) and claim that you've moved to the otherside of the country and they just CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE RECORD WITHOUT CHECKING. This someone then claims a fraudulent tax rebate and they just PAY THE MONEY TO A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BANK ACCOUNT WITHOUT CHECKING. Then they get puzzled as to why you're still paying tax in the original town that you've lived in unchanged for 12 years and send a menacing letter for back-taxes to your original address.
And the kicker? You can dispute the demand for repayment (on the not unreasonable grounds that it's bollocks) and you will be assigned a case 'handler' who will demand that you prove that YOU DIDN'T RECEIVE ANY MONEY.
I'm not sure you could make it up. Or rather, I'm not sure anyone would believe it if you did :-S