Monday 30 November 2009

Bill Nicholson I am not...

Sunday was round 5 in our inter-departmental football series, during which my expert management has guided our team from a 14-1 spanking to drawing 4-4 (even though we should've won).

I didn't actually play this time because I wasn't feeling well, but I turned up to hurl good-natured abuse at our team and control all the substitutions. In addition I was given a whistle that seemed to have come from a christmas cracker, the job of time-keeping and the task of 'non-moving official under a brolly'.

A position that I feel I'm well on the way to making my own.

Anyway, after 89 minutes of continuous rain (and the score delicately poised at 4-4), our star forward burst though their midfield and bore down on goal - only to be unsubtly hacked down by the opposition.

'Refeeeeeeeerrrreeeeeeeeee!!!!' I howled, appealing for the foul and waving my arms around on the touchline.

Someone standing behind me coughed politely and added, 'Um....you're the referee."

"Oh yeah."

*peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*


Old habits die hard...

6 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

Are you sure it wasn't a fair challenge? Football strikers are better at diving than shooting these days.

Jack said...

Assuming the penalty was a miss? If it was a penalty ...

I'm a qualified ref and love it! You should do the exams - it's super fun.

St Jude said...

Oh so that is what ref's do... urm you couldn't explain the off side rule to me could you sweetie!

Pearl said...

I have no idea what you just said...

:-)

Pearl

Kevin Musgrove said...

I have this delicious image of Alex Ferguson refereeing a United match and kicking the shit out of his mirror afterwards...

Red Squirrel said...

gb - I was the ref, so it was a foul :)

Jack - free-kick 30 yards out which hit the crossbar, Curses!

I'd never survive being a ref, I have an ingrained desire to be nice to everyone.... :-P

St Jude - offside? Oh that's easy - you're offside if you're not onside when the ball is played forward. Simples.

Pearl - I get that a lot...

Kevin - I'd hate to go to that match if they we're losing. The game would still be going on 45 minutes into injury time... :)